Introduction
Understanding Humility
The Virtues of Humility
Historical Context of Humility
Humility and Leadership
How to Practise Humility
Pride
Humility and Confidence
The Spiritual Aspect of Pride and Humility
Humility in the Workplace
Humility and Politics
Characteristics of Humble People
The Power of Humility
Introduction
Words have enormous power. They can make us erupt into laughter or bring tears to our eyes. They can influence, inspire, manipulate and shock. They can build, and they can destroy.
Some words have different effects on different people. One such word is humility. It is one of those words that are seldom in neutral gear. Some, like me, love the word and all it stands for. Some almost fear it and interpret it synonymously with lack of self-confidence or timidity. Humility is one of the virtues often mentioned in our everyday life.
But what is humility? And is it a virtue? The dictionary defines humility as modesty, lacking pretence, not believing that you are superior to others. An ancillary definition includes: "Having a lowly opinion of oneself, meekness".
We often confuse humility with timidity. Humility is not clothing ourselves in an attitude of self-abasement or self-denigration. Humility is all about maintaining our pride about who we are, about our achievements, about our worth – but without arrogance. It is the antithesis of excessive, arrogant pride which often leads to the derailment of some corporate heroes, as it does with the downfall of the tragic hero in Greek drama. It is about a quiet confidence without the need for a meretricious selling of our wares. It is about being content to let others discover the layers of our talents without having to boast about them. It is a lack of arrogance, not a lack of aggressiveness in the pursuit of achievement.
An interesting dichotomy is that, often, the higher people rise, the more they have accomplished, the higher the humility index. Those who achieve the most brag the least, and the more secure they are in themselves, the more humble they are.
There is also an understated humility of everyday people we work with who have the ability to get the job done without drawing attention to themselves. Witness the employee who is working at his computer into the late hours, purely motivated by a keen sense of duty, the executive assistant who stays after 5:30pm on a Friday night in an empty office to await a courier, or the manager who quietly cancels an important personal event to fly out of town to attend to the company's business. This is akin to the philanthropist who gives an anonymous donation.
Humility is also a meta-virtue. It crosses into an array of principles. For example, we can safely declare that there cannot be authenticity without humility. Why? Because, there is always a time in a leader's journey when one will be in a situation of not having all the answers. Admitting this and seeking others' input requires some humility.
Another mark of a leader who practices humility is his or her treatment of others. Such leaders treat everyone with respect regardless of position. “The sign of a gentleman is how he treats those who can be of absolutely no use to him”.
Something interesting happens, too, when we approach situations from a perspective of humility: it opens us up to possibilities, as we choose open-mindedness and curiosity over protecting our point of view. We spend more time in that wonderful space of the beginner's mind, willing to learn from what others have to offer. We move away from pushing into allowing, from insecure to secure, from seeking approval to seeking enlightenment. We forget about being perfect and we enjoy being in the moment.
In this book, we will take a critical look at the subject matter of humility, the false assumptions people often make regarding it, and how it is an important quality for everyone to have. We will also provide you tips on how to exercise humility in your everyday life. Happy reading!
The dictionary definition of humility says: “The quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one’s own importance, rank, etc.” The definition of humility need not include timidity or becoming a wallflower. Instead, humility simply requires a man to think of his abilities and his actions as no greater, and no lesser, than they really are. Real humility then mandates that a man knows and is completely honest with himself. He honestly assesses what are, and to what magnitude he possess talents and gifts, struggles and weaknesses.
Our popular image of manliness usually consists of a man with a cocky swagger, a rebel who blazes his own path and stands confident and ready to take on the world. “Humility” doesn’t seem to fit into this image. Humility oftentimes conjures up images of weakness, submissiveness, and fear. But this is a false idea of humility. Real humility is a sign of strength, authentic confidence, and courage. It is the mark of a true man.
Humility is considered a state of being, highlighted by your behavior and approach to things. It’s also considered one of the virtues of the human condition, along with kindness, patience, diligence, charity, temperance and chastity.
Humility is often thought to occur in the absence of pride. To C. S. Lewis, pride was about competition and therefore not a virtue. Pride manifests in people thinking they are “cleverer” or “richer”, for instance.
Humility is the mother of all virtues; purity, charity and obedience. It is in being humble that our love becomes real, devoted and ardent. If you are humble, nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are. If you are blamed, you will not be discouraged. If they call you a saint, you will not put yourself on a pedestal.
On the other hand, in the absence of pride, you find humility, which sees no need for competition. In humility, you are nothing more and nothing less than the other people around you. In essence, humility is not about hiding away or about becoming a ‘wallflower’, but it is about the realization that your abilities and actions are not better or less. Humility doesn’t require the ranking of things, but it calls for the understanding of the true value or worth of things.
One important point about humility is how it can’t be faked. But this doesn’t mean humility is difficult; in fact, it’s one of the simplest things in the world. But the more you start thinking about how to be more humble, the harder you make it for yourself to actually be humble.
Instead of focusing on the humility within you, you should pay more attention to celebrating the achievements of others. It is by acknowledging others and understanding the universal values we all share that you start becoming more humble. In a way, understanding the vastness of the world around us can make us realize our own value and the humility we should feel.
Humility is the act of being modest, reverential, and even politely submissive. It is the opposite of aggression, arrogance, pride, and vanity. And on the surface, humility appears to empty its holder of all power. But on the contrary, it grants enormous power to its possessor.
Humility offers its owner complete freedom from the desire to impress, be right, or get ahead. Frustrations and losses have less impact on a humble ego and a humble person confidently receives opportunity to grow, improve, and reject society‘s labels. A humble life results in contentment, patience, forgiveness, and compassion.
Humble people do not regard themselves as more special or better than others. Humility works hand-in-hand with gratitude as a learned character strength. According to Rabindranath Tagore, “We come nearest to the great when we are great in humility.”
What Humility Is Not
It can be helpful to understand the virtue of humility by examining what it isn’t. Perhaps the most common mistake is to associate humility with false modesty.
In their quest to be humble, people often confuse humility with false modesty. I think we’ve all been guilty of this at one time or another. When we are recognized for a great accomplishment, we act as though what we did really wasn’t that important or that big of a deal. For example, we spend many hours meticulously putting together an excellent presentation for work, and when people praise us, we say, “Oh, it was just something I threw together.” We have a tendency to devalue what we’ve done under the pretense of humility. In fact, people often take on the guise of false humility for the sake of receiving more praise and adulation from others. You want people to think “Wow, he said he just threw that together! Imagine what he could do if he had spent hours on it.” When you do something well, don’t toot your own horn excessively, but truthfully acknowledge what you accomplished.
It’s easy to start lessening your achievements in the face of compliments, thinking this is the humble thing to do. If your manager tells you, you did a great job, you shouldn’t reply with “no, it wasn’t really me” and “I didn’t really do anything there”. Instead, a humble thing to do would be to take in the praise, thank the manager for it and perhaps acknowledge the other team members that helped you along the way. For instance, you could state, “Thank you, it feels nice to have accomplished the project and meet the objectives. Of course, I’m happy for the effort by Tina and Sam. I couldn’t have done it without them.”
The peculiarity of humility is further highlighted by the ease of which it turns to the exact opposite of itself. By highlighting your humility, you are in essence acknowledging a valuable quality in yourself and your humility changes to something else. This is perhaps best highlighted in the lyrics of a hit song from the 1980s. The song says, “Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble when you’re perfect in every way”.
If you go around telling everyone how humble you are, you most likely are exactly the opposite. Humility isn’t something that requires acknowledgement or recognition. You shouldn’t become humble because you think it’s the right thing to do – humility comes from within and from the acknowledgement, you aren’t any better or any less than other people.
Finally, it can be a mistake to think humility is the opposite of self-confidence. But being humble doesn’t mean you can’t be confident. In fact, by being humble, you can be more confident because you are aware of the value of your actions without thinking they matter more or less.
Studies have shown that humility is connected with many forms of pro-social behaviour. While some misunderstand humility as low self-esteem or self-denigration, a proper conception of this virtue has both self-regarding and other-regarding components. The humble person keeps his or her accomplishments, gifts, and talents in a proper perspective. She has self-knowledge, and is aware of her limitations as an individual and as a human being. But humble individuals are also oriented towards others, they value the welfare of other people and have the ability to "forget themselves" as well, when appropriate.
Interestingly, the empirical research on humility shows that this trait has great value. Humility has been linked with better academic performance, job performance, and excellence in leadership. Humble people have better social relationships, avoid deception in their social interactions, and they tend to be forgiving, grateful, and cooperative. A recent set of studies also shows that humility is a consistent predictor of generosity. People who are humble tend to be more generous with both their time and their money.
Humility can advance one's fortune in the world, as it is a distinguishing trait of CEO's of successful organizations. The connection between humility and generosity shows that it does render one a more valuable member of society. Others see humble individuals as well-adjusted and kind.
Given its appropriateness for us as limited and fallible human beings, and its value for both individual flourishing and social welfare, humility is a trait worth cultivating. No one likes dealing with egomaniacs. There are few things as off-putting as people who view themselves as being better than others or above the rules.
A father once encouraged his son to remain humble. He told him: “Everybody falls down at some point. Stay humble so that the people around you want to help you up, not knock you back down.”
My father’s words stuck with me and continue to ring true. Embracing humility helps ensure that people are inclined to build you up when you fail, not revel in your misfortune.
Below are some of the virtues of humility:
1. Humility understands individual limitations.
Humans, by definition, are finite and thus limited in our understanding. Our talents are different, our minds are different, and our experiences vary from person to person. Individually, we comprehend only a small, unique fraction of the world. But together, we arrive at a far-grander view of the universe. Humble people realize their understanding is limited and embrace it. As a result, they wisely look for answers outside of themselves.
2. Humility appreciates others.